The Rocky Horror Nordic Show
by littleshadows
Summary: What's this? Sweden and Finland are stranded at a strange castle? Norway is a handyman and Iceland is a domestic? DENMARK IS A SWEET TRANSVESTITE? Smells like a Rocky Horror and Hetalia crossover to me!


Author's note: Okay, it looks like I've got a little explaining to do. This is the result of a contest between me and two of my friends who are also APH fans. The idea was that we each had to write a chaptered story with the Hetalia cast as the characters of our favorite Halloween movie. So, I chose _The Rocky Horror Picture Show._ We're supposed to put these on Tumblr, but I thought I'd go ahead and post mine here as well. And for those of you who are wondering, the next chapter of _Defining Insanity _should be up fairly soon.

Anyway, I just want to warn you guys; everyone in this story will be OOC as hell. But they're playing the _Rocky Horror_ cast, so really, what did you expect?

* * *

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls...

Littleshadows Productions is both pleased and proud to present you with...

**THE ROCKY HORROR NORDIC SHOW**

_Starring:_

_Mathias Densen as Dr. Frank-N-Furter: A scientist_

_Tino Vainamoinen as Janet Weiss: A heroine_

_Berwald Oxenstierna as Brad Majors: A hero_

_Lukas Bondevik as Riff Raff: A handyman_

_Emil Stielsson as Magenta: A domestic_

_Alfred F. Jones as Columbia: A groupie_

_Natalya Arlovskaya as Dr. Everett V. Scott: A rival scientist_

_Antonio Fernandez Carriedo as Rocky Horror: A creation_

_Erzsebet Hedervary as The Criminologist: An expert_

_Ivan Braginsky as Eddie: An ex-delivery boy_

_Special audience participation by Francis Bonnefoy and Gilbert Beilschmidt._

* * *

_"I would like to, if I may, take you on a strange journey..."_ Began a rather pretty Hungarian woman.

**"How strange vas it?!"**

_"Cram it, Gil! I'm tryin' to tell a story here!"_ The woman, whose name was Erzsebet shouted angrily.

"**Geez, you don't need to get so pissy."**

_"As I was about to say before I was so _rudely_ interrupted,"_ she glared at Gilbert, _"it seemed to be an ordinary night when Berwald Oxenstierna-"_

**"Asshole!" **

_"and his 'wife' Tino Vainamoinen-"_

**"Slut!"**

_"Oh for Christ's sake, Gilbert! Do I need to come at you with my frying pan?"_

**"N-no, m'am."**

_"Good. Now, where was I? Oh yes, that's right. Berwald and Tino, two not-so-normal men left the World Meeting that October night to get dinner. I say that they weren't so normal because they were the living personifications of the countries Sweden and Finland. It's a really long story, okay? Anyway, it's true that there were dark storm clouds in the direction of which they were headed. It's true, also, that the spare tire they were carrying was in need of air. But being the powerful nations they were, neither of them was going to let a little rain ruin their evening. They were on a night out. And it would be a night out they would remember-"_

**"For how long?"**

_"For a very long time..."_

* * *

While Erzsebet tried to narrate, two seemingly young men named Tino and Berwald were returning from the most recent World Conference. They planned on stopping at a café they'd driven by on the way there for a bite to eat before going back to their hotel. Everything had been perfectly fine until it started to rain. Tino could sense that something was amiss with his husband, and questioned him about it.

"Darling, what's wrong?"

"Think w' took th' wron' fork few miles 'go. We sh'uld go 'head on th' road 'n see 'f we c'n find our way back," Berwald replied. To many, his accent was thick and hard to understand, but Tino had grown used to it. Oh, what the hell? It wasn't just that people thought it was hard to understand for no reason, it was because half of his goddamned vowels were missing. But anyway...

"Okay."

Berwald attempted to back up.

**"I wouldn't do zat, mon cher!"**

As he did, there was a loud bang. Tino let out a frightened and _totally manly_ squeal.

"What was _that_?"

"Looks like w' have a blowout. You better stay here 'n keep warm while Ah go 'n find help."

"We're in the middle of nowhere," he pointed out.

Berwald considered this fact. "W' passed a castle not too long 'go. Maybe they have a phone w' can use."

**"Castles don't have phones, asshole!"**

_"What the hell, Gilbert? That one doesn't even make sense."_

"Well, I'm coming with you," Tino stated, trying to ignore the weird disembodied voices that had been following them around all day.

"Wha's th' use of both of us gettin' wet?"

"I'm _coming," _Tino said again. "besides, the owner of the phone might be some beautiful man, and you might never come back."

Berwald sighed a bit. "Alright, let's get goin'."

The pair grabbed some newspaper they had in the car and held them over their heads in an attempt to stay dry as they climbed out of the vehicle. They set off towards the house, silent except for the sound of their footsteps.

_"Psst! Tino!" _Erzsebet hissed at the smaller of the two men. _"This is where you start singing "There's a Light (Over at the Frankenstein Place)"!"_

"Ber," Tino said, tugging at the aforementioned man's arm. "there's these creepy voices hanging around, and they want me to sing! What should I do?"

"Don' worry 'bout it, wife. Yer just scared." They continued to walk towards their destination.

Finally, they reached the castle, and the very wet Tino and Berwald went up the porch steps.

* * *

_"And so it seemed that fortune had smiled upon Berwald and Tino..."_

**"Unlike your neck!" **

_"Gilbert, cut it out! I have a neck! Uh, what was I saying? Oh yeah, it seemed as though they had found the assistance that their plight required..."_

**"You sure about zat?"**

_"...Or had they?"_

* * *

Berwald and Tino stood outside for about five minutes, looking for a doorbell. When they found none, Berwald knocked hard on the wooden door. Just as he did, there was a loud crashing sound.

"L-let's go back. I'm cold and I'm frightened," Tino stuttered.

"Just a minute, they might 'ave a phone."

"But-" The door slowly creaked open. Standing in the doorway was none other than Lukas Bondevik, the personification of Norway. Why he was at some strange castle and answering said castle's door was completely beyond either of them.

"Hello," Lukas greeted them, his voice monotone as usual.

**"Hiya!"**

Berwald cleared his throat. "Hi. My name's B'rwald Ox'nst'rna, 'n this is m' wife." He wrapped an arm around Tino's shoulders.

"Our car broke down 'bout-"

"You're wet," Lukas stated, his voice the same monotone it was before.

"Yes," Tino said, "it's been raining very hard."

Lukas looked them both up and down. "I think you'd both better... come inside."

"Oh, thank you," Tino replied as the two stepped into the castle.

Loud music was pouring out from another room. The night was getting stranger and stranger by the minute. "Wait here," Lukas said, before wandering off.

"Ber, I'm really scared. What the hell kind of place is this?"

Berwald tried to calm his wife as best as he could. "R'lax. 'S prob'ly some sorta hunting lodge fer rich weirdos."

Soon, Lukas returned. He had nothing with him that wasn't there before, and the couple assumed that he had gone to tell someone about their predicament.

"Ye havin' a party or somethin'?" Berwald inquired, confused and a little bit frightened, though he'd never admit to it.

"You've arrived on a very special night," Lukas informed them. "It's one of the Master's affairs."

"Oh," Tino muttered. "Lucky him."

It was then that Emil, who had been lurking around by the bannister, decided to make his presence known. It was worth noting that he was clad in a French maid's outfit. With fishnets and everything. Yeah.

"He's lucky, you're lucky, I'm lucky, we're aaaaaall lucky!"

_Did the Netherlands get him high again?_ Tino wondered to himself.

And then, the music started.

Tino and Berwald both looked around, trying to find the source of the sounds. And then, something truly horrific happened.

Norway started _singing. _Clearly, the end of the world was near.

**_"It's__ astounding..."_** he began. _**"Time is fleeting... Madness... takes its toll... But listen closely..."**_

**"For how long?!"**

_**"Not for very much longer!" **_Emil purred.

**_"I've got to... keep control... I rememberrrrr... doin' the Tiiiime Waaarp!" _**The couple stared at their fellow nation in terror.

_**"Drinking, those moments when... The black mist would hiiit me..." **_Emil joined in with his older brother.

_**"And the void would be callllling..." **_They both sang as they pulled Tino and Berwald through the castle. Suddenly, they came to a large set of double doors, which Lukas and Emil thrust open to reveal several other countries, all of them dressed as the so-called "Transylvanians."

_**"LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"**_

The stunned Swede and his equally shocked wife were shoved into the ballroom.

_"It's just a jump to the left!" _Erzsebet exclaimed. She too, was dancing the Time Warp.

_**"And then a step to the ri-i-i-ight!"**_

_"Put your hands on your hips-"_

**_"And bring your knees in tiiight!"_ **The others finished for her. In the crowd, you could pick out both Italies, Germany, Japan, and... Oh dear God. Austria was doing the Time Warp. _Austria. _Crazy shit, I tell you. Crazy shit indeed.

_**"Then it's the pelvic thruuuust that really drives you ins-a-a-a-ane! LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAINNN! LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"**_

Emil rushed forward. _**"It's so dreamy- Oh, fantasy free me! So you can't see me, no, not at all,"** _he sang. **_"In another dimension, with voyeuristic intentions, well-secluded- I see _all."**

Lukas moved to stand next to his brother while giving Berwald and Tino a stare that made them very, very uncomfortable. _**"With a bit of a mind flip..."**_he hissed.

_**"You're into the time slip!" **_Emil half-sang, half-screamed.

_**"And nothing can ever be the same..."** _Lukas added.

_**"You're spaced out on sensation!"**_

_**"Like you're under sedation!"**_

The Transylvanians joined in again. _**"LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN! LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"**_

Meanwhile, Tino and Berwald were desperately trying to find a way out of the ballroom. These people were weirder than fuck and there was _absolutely no way_ they were going to stay there for another minute.

Just then, they were met with a familiar face. _America. _They were both thrilled to see Alfred, at least until they realized that was wearing fishnet stockings underneath a pair of striped short shorts and a sequined corset top with a jacket and top hat to match. On top of that, a bright red (also sequined) bow tie was around his neck. His face was caked with makeup, and it was obvious that he too was a Transylvanian.

_**"Well, I was walkin' down the street, just havin' a think,"**_he started to sing. _**"when a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink. He shook me up, he took me by surprise, he had a pickup truck and the Devil's eyes! He stared at me and I felt a change! Time meant nothin', never would again!"**_

By this point, they were completely horrified. Seeing two of their good friends and the world's self proclaimed 'hero' acting so strangely had really done a number on them.

_**"LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"** _The Transylvanians exclaimed once more. _**"LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAINNN!"**_

_"It's just a jump to the left!"_

**_"And then a step to the ri-i-i-ight!" _**

_"Put you hands on your hips!"_

**_"You bring your knees in tiiight! Then it's the pelvic thruuust that really drives you insa-a-a-ane! LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN! LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!"_**

And with that, Lukas, Emil, Alfred, and the rest of the Transylvanians fell to the floor.

"Ber," Tino whispered. "say something!"

"Uh... 'nyone know how to Mad'son?"

**"Asshole!"**

* * *

I hope you enjoyed this baby, it took me forever to write. If you like the story so far, please review, and I might just be motivated to have the next chapter up within a week. And as always, thanks a ton for reviewing!~


End file.
